Big Scare: Seeing Red

It all started on Thursday when I started getting cramps. I also had really bad heartburn and gas so I thought the pain in my stomach was gas pains. I got a bit scared because I had some brown spotting. But I assured my self that brown was ok and red was bad. Friday I also had a bit of cramping but I was also nauseous as well and had no brown spotting so I again came to the conclusion that it was gas pains.

Saturday morning I woke up nauseous and went in and out of nauseous states throughout the day. I went for a 3 mile walk in the morning at Lake Murray and than went home to pack for our trip to San Francisco. When we arrived at the airport I became extremely hungry so I grabbed a yogurt parfait. After a few bites I was done... it did not sit well with me. On the plane I was a tiny bit better because I started to suck on a hard candy.

We arrived in San Francisco and took the shuttle to the airport. We settled in and went to see if the restaurant in the hotel was still serving food for lunch (I hadn't eaten since I had that parfait and our plane was delayed about an hour so I was starving by 3pm!). We went down to the bar and ordered our meals, ate and went back up to the room.

We started to plan exactly what we wanted to do over the next two days and went to various websites and whatnot to explore our options. I decided I wanted to go to the restaurant down the street for a quick bite at around 8pm because I was craving a hot fudge sundae and Joseph didn't want to make the trek down to Ghiradelli Square just yet.

Before we left I went to the restroom (darn bladder... I have to pee all the time!). And that's when I saw red. It wasn't too much. Probably about the amount that comes out at the light stages of my period but it was enough to put me into tears on the toilet. I got up and started to splash my face with water because I didn't want to scare Joseph. I came out and we left for dinner.

During dinner I explained what happened to Joseph. We talked for a bit but my mind was elsewhere. We got back to the hotel and turned on the tv. I tried to get to sleep but when I did all I could dream about was miscarrying. Blood, small fetuses in the toilet, etc. I think I had the worst nightmares in my whole life last night. UGH! I so want this baby and couldn't imagine a second miscarriage.

I am so scared that something is going to happen this weekend when I am away from home and doctor. And what if I do miscarry here? How do I handle it? I don't have any pads. I don't even know where Kaiser is and how to get there since we don't have a rental car. And do I call the doctor's office when I get back to go in? Do I cancel my first appointment? I am just going to try and stay positive and think happy thoughts.

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