But I cannot get over the fact that there are some things I cannot control. And for the most part the only thing that makes me feel jumpy and nervous is when I worry about what can happen to my children.
Is something going to happen? Is someone going to break into our home, run into our car, snatch my kid up when I'm grabbing the other. The worst is when I'm home alone at night. With or without the kids.
I've never been very comfortable being alone. Having people around me makes me feel less edgy.
I think it's gotten worse since I've had kids. I'm constantly looking over my shoulder when we go for walks, observing everything going on around us when we're out and about. I don't think it's paranoia, though because I've been told by other mothers that they feel the same way.
When my children were younger I would sometimes get so worked up thinking about all of the bad things that could happen to them. I would have tears running down my face thinking about SIDS or drowning or febrile seziures. Then I realized that there are somethings I just cannot control.
So I tried to let go a bit. Not stay as nervous when we were out. I still watch around me, am aware of my surroundings, and try not to get distracted when caring for my children.
But I still can't feel 100% safe when I'm alone at night.
Have you recently felt jumpy and nervous?